A Daughter’s Tribute

Mom

If my mom were here the one thing she would be sure to comment on is the food. So let’s hope it’s up to her standards!

If you never had the pleasure of having my mom cook for you; I’m really sorry because you missed out. On many occasions, she would call food her “art.” She would research recipes, discover new foods and always make plenty so she could share her masterpiece with her family and friends. It was always a treat to take home leftovers, and knowing she could feed you tomorrow-made her extra happy! She always made kind gestures to express love, but cooking and feeding people was her favorite way to show her love. A few times she said to me, “Lindsay, a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” I think that worked out pretty nicely, for my dad.

Food was a good barometer for our family to use over the past year. We could tell how well she was feeling based on her appetite, what she was eating or planning on cooking tomorrow. Approximately, one month ago, she had A NEW recipe she wanted to try. She was not doing well at this time but she was fighting and desperately trying to make a family vacation to the Adirondacks “normal.” She shopped, had all the unique and high-quality ingredients, brought them to the Adirondacks and tried so hard to stand at the counter and prepare our meal. We all offered to help and it didn’t take long before she assumed a supervisory position on the couch. From that seat, she told us everything we were doing wrong and eventually got annoyed enough and she took over. No one was offended. We all laughed and understood. The kitchen was her studio and the medium she chose was food.

I promise mom, I’ll always let the pan warm up before I put the oil in. So it doesn’t burn. Just like you said.

She was a social worker by trade but her Master’s degree wasn’t necessary. She lived social work. Always listening, connecting, suggesting, helping. If she didn’t have an idea or answer, she’d do plenty of research on your behalf. She was able to understand people and discover their talents; which made her a wonderful career counselor for me, Karen, Roseann, Jolene, Brion… I know there are more. I’m hoping around 2027, she can send us some “signs” so my kids will know what to major in College.

Recently, my daughter Samantha and I did an informal interview with my mom. We asked her about her favorite color, her favorite vacation and of course- we asked what her favorite food was. We asked her to describe herself using only two words. She paused and gave a thoughtful answer: Enthusiastic and Positive. I was surprised at how accurate her answer was. When my dad heard of that answer, he had a similar reaction. Simply said; She lived life passionately and always with a positive tune.

My parents have always had an extraordinary marriage and I think my mom’s positive attitude helped quite a bit. I remember one time our car broke down on the highway. My mom leaned the seat back a little and looked through a magazine while my dad tried to reach a tow truck. I’d ask her why she wasn’t upset. She’d say, “getting upset won’t make the situation better” Then she’d make a comment about my dad’s nostrils flairing and I’d still be confused why she wasn’t yelling or just mad. My parents had a nice “ying-yang” to their relationship. My Dad got to be the hero too, sometimes. She never wanted to bother other people and rarely asked for anything. She didn’t always let us know when she needed him or us. But he knew. He was always “in tune.” And he usually knew what to do.

My mom was a great mom and an awesome grandma. Once I became a Mom I had a whole new appreciation for her and all the effort she put in being a mom! It was a special connection to have while she was here and still, while she is not. Everyday, when I take care of my kids, I get to honor her. Everyday, I am reminded of what she did for me and my brother over the past 30 years.

I know everyone is sad to be gathered under these circumstances. But my mom would not want us to be sad. Instead, she would want us to pick up right where she left off. Helping, being kind and “loving” by means of our own art.

While writing this speech I was enjoying a cup of tea. On the tag, it said: “Helping others find happiness brings us the most happiness.”

That could have been my mom’s life mantra.

I took it as a sign and included it in this speech.

Thanks for helping me out, Mom.