Here Comes The Sun from Rob Jones on Vimeo.
There is a quote I ran across some time ago that says “Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” In my case, I was only able to make personal discoveries after I started to reconcile my loss, after I started to lose sight of the shore. At first, I thought the three components to my grief process were love, loss and healing. And then it dawned on me, there is one more and it’s likely the most important one of all: Discovery. It’s what I learned from the hours of sorrow I felt and from all the memories of such a wonderful life lost. It’s what I was doing the whole time through my grief process and what I am still doing today. Discovering things about me. Discovering who I am and who I can be. Discovering myself not as part of a couple, but as my self.My world changed on September 18, 2013 when I lost my beautiful bride, Coleen, to metastatic breast cancer. Coleen was the love of my life and the person I could least likely live without. She made all my days special and touched so many others around her. Coleen fought her breast cancer for seven years. She was treated successfully and was symptom free for five years before she was diagnosed in September 2012 with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Coleen continued her courageous battle for another year before succumbing peacefully, gracefully and on her terms. She was 53. Coleen's story needs to be told and so does mine. I am the surviving spouse, her loving husband. I am a father and a grandfather and I am terribly wounded. I am asking questions and reaching for answers. I am finding myself, finding my way with the help of others, but without Coleen.
Coleen and I met under very fateful circumstances in 1980. I had recently moved to Buffalo from Cleveland and she had just finished breaking off an engagement. Shortly before meeting me, she told a friend that she was swearing off men for at least a year. That’s the beginning of our story. A story that included 33 years of wonder and love, two children and two beautiful granddaughters.
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I officially lost Coleen at 8:40 PM on September 18, 2013. That's what the records say. But Coleen actually left us very gradually, very gracefully, over the twelve months prior to that official time and date. After her second diagnosis in early September of 2012, Coleen started treatments to manage her cancer. I swear that she was as concerned about her family as she was about herself.
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I have traveled a twisted road of emotion and discovery since losing Coleen who was not only my wife, but best friend, soulmate and trusted confidante. I have received much strength and encouragement from my loving children and from some amazing people I have met on my journey. This is where I write about my healing. This is where I come to be safe.
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