Dreams
One of these days I ‘m going to go back through all the writings on this website. I’m going to review all the notebooks I’ve written in and all the scraps of paper I’ve scribbled on and saved in a big pile. I am going to read all the writings in my journal. I’m going to do all these things to refresh my memory on all the ways Coleen has communicated with me since she died. She has been very creative in getting messages to me and in making her presence felt and I am thankful that I am aware enough to notice those contacts.I believe she was reaching out to me again last night when I was sleeping. I know I dream a lot but I am not good at remembering dreams. There always seems to be some kind of blockage with me when it comes to them. I wake up with a sense of having traveled somewhere and experienced something, but I can rarely remember what or where. Once in a while I wake up in time to capture what I was dreaming and that happened to me last night. Months ago, I met with Coleen’s friend Jillian and she told me things to expect from Coleen, her spirit, her spirituality. Jillian told me not to be surprised if Coleen came to me during the night when I was in our bed sleeping. She said that when we sleep, our conscious state is very near to energies on the other side and we are very receptive to contact from those energies.
My experience is that Coleen comes to me in the night. I first noticed it a few days after she died. On previous nights, I went to bed exhausted and fell quickly asleep. I would wake in the morning and find my blankets and sheets virtually identical to the way they looked when I climbed into bed. I slept so soundly that I hardly disturbed anything. Then one night that all changed as I tossed and turned and was unsettled all night. I felt a presence there with me, almost like wrestling me under the sheets. When Coleen and I slept together during her last few months, I was very careful to be a still in bed as possible. She struggled with sleep and was sometimes in pain so I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. That was hard for me when all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her I loved her. I had control over very little, but those were two signs I could send her telling her how I felt about her. I know she knew, but I really wanted to hold her more than I could. So I tried to sleep as quietly as I could and I think I made a new habit of that which carried through to today. That night when I was wrestling myself, I know I had company in my bed.
I was troubled for a while because I was not having dreams with Coleen in them. Even though I don’t remember dreams that well, I didn’t think she was in whatever dreams I was having. That had changed recently though. During the past couple months I have awoken with remnants of dreams that Coleen was in. They are bizarre, never making much sense. None of them have had any special revelations that I can recall although for all I know, she is telling me all the secrets of life and I don’t remember. It is interesting to me that when I see Coleen in my dreams, it is always the pre-cancer Coleen. It is her with dark hair, almost shoulder length. It is her younger, healthy, vital, sassy and beautiful.
This morning I woke up early, around 5:00 AM. I was just lying in bed for a few minutes when it dawned on me that I had been dreaming. And my dream was about Coleen and me. She was talking to me, like she always did. She was giving me some advise, like she did to everybody. She had some knowledge to share and I was the one who needed to know what she knew. I’m still a little awed that I have recall of this dream, so it must be pretty important. Coleen was talking to me about a friend of ours and telling me that she and her husband, another friend of ours, were getting divorced. Coleen thought I might want to stay close to that situation because she thought that girl and I might be good together. Now, I know that scenario is crazy because that couple is not going to split up. But dreams happen for a reason so there must have been some message there for me to figure out. I’ll have to work on that. Leave it to Coleen though to try her hand at matchmaking from heaven. On her husband. When the two of us talked about me finding someone after her, I half expected her to tell me who I should get together with. Maybe last night she wasn’t telling me who, but perhaps who not.
There was another sign from Coleen last night that was not a dream. I was out most of the day and came home around 7:00 PM. It had snowed a lot all day and before going inside, I shoveled the snow from my front sidewalk and porch. As I finished, I glanced skyward and damn if I didn’t see the moon in its waxing crescent, smiling down on me. Now the weather has been winter for weeks and the sky has been perpetually cloudy, so to see the moon after so many nights of it hidden was a gift to me. But our sky was not really clear, and as I looked above, wisps of clouds crossed the moon’s path. As they did, it created a flickering effect with the moonlight and I imagined the moon winking at me. Smiling and winking. Alas, I welcomed that feeling, along with the accompanying chills up my spine, for only a minute or two before big clouds hid the moon from me once again. I don’t know how long the moon was visible before I noticed it, but I suspect it wasn’t long. I was in the right place to see, recognize, feel and enjoy the sign it sent. Now I just have to figure it all out.
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