Moon in Libra

Written by RJ on March 18, 2014. Posted in Healing

According to lunaf.com, “when the moon is in Libra, the desire for harmony, tact, justice, relationship with people, balance, impartiality, partnership increase. The moon in Libra stimulates our desire for harmony and balance. We begin to pay more attention to the people around us.”

That all sounds very Coleen to me. It also sounds like things I could use these days, especially the harmony and balance part. Regular readers here know of the relationship I have with the moon. It dates back to the night Coleen died when I came home to a brilliant, nearly full moon shining light upon me and my backyard. Since Coleen had such an affliction with light, always talking about how she was drawn to it, I took the moon’s presence that night as a signal from her that things would somehow be okay. I look for that comfort from the moon often, every time I see it. So I was very intrigued about tonight’s moon and what it’s positioning represents.

I will never forget the vision of Coleen looking out our bathroom window and taking in the beauty and the power of the stars and the moon. She would stand there and marvel at their light and then close her eyes and still somehow take in that same light without looking at it. Through another sense and her awareness she was able to receive that energy. She was also fond of standing before the window in our hallway or dining room when the sun was shining in to feel that light and warmth. Funny how I used to shake my head when she did that and now it makes perfect sense for her to have done that.

Today, on the eve of Coleen’s anniversary, I received a letter from the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester (BCCR). That is the organization that we asked people to donate to in Coleen’s honor in lieu of sending flowers. When Coleen and I were discussing matters during her last week or so, she told me she didn’t want flowers at her funeral. Instead she wanted donations to be made for metastatic breast cancer research. Specifically and only for that. Not to some pink ribbon waving charity to use as they wished, but to an organization that would direct those donations to Coleen’s cause. And that was to find a cure for the disease that took her so early. Neither of us knew at that time what organization that would be and after reaching out to the director of BCCR, I learned that they awarded annual grants to local recipients researching metastatic breast cancer.

The letter I received from BCCR today was an invitation to the press conference announcing and introducing this year’s grant recipients. I was invited because of the donations BCCR received on Coleen’s behalf that helped fund the two $50,000 grants. I am unbelievably touched by the invitation and honored to be able to attend. I cried when I read the letter and am still choked up every time I think about it. Coleen knew many people from this organization and I am so glad that we were able to help BCCR with their generosity to research. It is hard to find funding for that specific cause as most breast cancer donations for other national organizations are directed at awareness. Very little of those monies is targeted for metastatic research which is ironic since in most cases, breast cancer is not fatal until it metastasizes to other organs. Things need to change on that front and Coleen knew it which is why she was so specific in her request to me. I am very proud to be part of an occasion that speaks so perfectly of Coleen’s values and wishes.

(I’m going to return to the moon here briefly since I just went outside to check on it. I can report that it’s full, big, beautiful and bright. Radiant light and energy. Maybe the best moon I have ever seen.)

Tomorrow is the six month anniversary of Coleen’s death from metastatic breast cancer and I am reminded of things I have learned. I have met several people as a result of this website. One of those is a woman who I haven’t actually met but have exchanged several emails with. She lost her husband about three months before I lost my wife and she has faced many challenging days. She wrote to me about how hard it was when the six month anniversary came. She said it was the hardest day of all to that point. Another man I met through my support group observed the one year anniversary of his wife’s death this week. He was overcome with anxiety while talking about that last week. He is usually very accepting of his wife’s death and frequently mentioned that since she was in her eighties, her time had come. He was different though when he realized that there was a significant anniversary involved.

I can not imagine how will be on the one year anniversary. Just like I couldn’t imagine six months ago what life would look like today. How could I have possibly predicted all the life changes that have occurred? Nobody could have done that.

I got up early this morning while it was still dark. It is now March 18, the six month anniversary of  me being without Coleen. I went to the bathroom window and looked at the moon. The sky was clear and dark, the moon was big, bright and beautiful. I wondered if I was looking for her or looking for answers. I think I might have gotten some kind of answer later on when the reiki appointment I was so looking forward to was cancelled. I thought having reiki on the six month anniversary day would be special but it was not to be. If I truly believe that there are still no coincidences, then I must take the good with the bad. I’m not sure if I should interpret the reiki cancellation as protection or punishment but I can’t help but think of it as some kind of sign.

They say that when the moon is in Libra, it is not a good time to make big decisions. That it is a better time for harmony, balance, justice and relationships than for decisions. That is perfect for me as I now have nothing to decide. And I am now in balance.  

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