New Branches
Today I did something I have never done before. I took a woman named Ruth, who is my girlfriend, and her grandson Jay, to a park near my house. The three of us played baseball, basketball, golf and tennis. We went for a walk in the woods. Halfway through all this we paused at a picnic pavilion and lunched on cold pizza, watermelon, Combos, water and conversation. And although I had never done this before, I had of course done all of these activities many times separately. As a young boy I spent most of my summer days with my brothers and our friends playing baseball at Forestview Elementary School in Bay Village, Ohio. Basketball came into my life later but I always loved to shoot baskets and play HORSE or PIG. Tennis came even later to me but I played a little bit back in the 70’s and later with my son Patrick. I also played with my late wife Coleen up until last year. Golf has always been a mainstay of mine and walking through the woods is something I have always loved to do. So what made today’s activities different?For one, I have never done them all on the same day. At least I don’t remember doing that. Today not only did I do them the same day but all within about a four hour span of time. At times I felt that the three of us had invented some kind of Como Park Pentathlon moving quickly from sport to sport. My salvation was that I won most of the events even without knowing some of the local rules (like there are four letters in the word PIGG).I think if we had kept score for everything, I would have a gold medal around my neck tonight. The competition was good but as the lone adult male, I was heavily favored in each event. After all, Jay is only eight years old and my girlfriend is a girl. I think I was supposed to win.
The other factor that made it so different was I have never done those activities with a girlfriend. It’s true that I have not had a girlfriend in over 33 years but the ones I had in the past were not athletic. I did play tennis with Coleen a little but I never pitched overhand to a girl or had her guard me in basketball or help her with her golf swing. I am amazed that Ruth is not only well-versed in athletic endeavors but can also physically carry them out. She is not expert in most of them but she isn’t afraid to try and is very eager to teach her grandson what she knows about form and theory. She was good at baseball, okay at basketball, and she has very good golfing form. But it was the tennis court where she really stood out for me. You see, Coleen and I used to play tennis on that same court and on the same sides as Ruth and I were on today. So when I looked across the net I saw Ruth standing where Coleen once stood. And each time I did, I smiled and subtly shook my head because it made perfect sense for Ruth to be there. It is just like when the two of us met several weeks ago at the park where Coleen and I were married. It felt very right for us to be there together and I was not at all uncomfortable with that fact. The tennis court was the same except the feeling of it being right was even stronger.
We concluded our Como Park experience with a walk on the Nature Trail. It is less than a mile through a wooded area and mostly along a creek with a very passive set of rapids. There is a small bridge but not much else along the way except for a few signposts with numbers on them. Hardly a hike up a mountain. As we approached the halfway mark, we encountered a woman with a camera. She had ridden her bike to that point and was photographing some flowers and plants. We talked for a short time and she pointed out a large tree a few feet from us remarking how much she liked it. The tree was unique because it was all by itself in an area of the park that was more of an open field than woods. The tree was tall and wide with it’s branches reaching out very far and was quite noticeable and majestic. As we finished talking to the woman with the camera and continued on our journey, Ruth said something about people seeing different things in objects, like that woman and the tree. I replied that some people think trees are very symbolic and they have a lot of admiration for their strength and beauty.
It was later, after Ruth and Jay left for home, that it all came together for me. The day, the tree, the tennis courts, the company. I can sometimes be a little slow to figure things out but this came to me very clearly. Today I was in a park with a new girl and it was a park where Coleen spent a lot of time. I was on a tennis court with a new girl that I used to share with Coleen. I am in a life with a new girl that I used to be in with Coleen. And everything is different now. It looks, sounds, feels, and smells different and it is all so beautiful. There is no sadness, no melancholy, no guilt. My heart has opened up, expanded, to make space for this new girl to be part of it. She is not replacing anyone nor is she filling a void. She is all her own unique person who has entered my life and carved out her own personal piece of me.
And then there was the tree. Several months ago while talking to my reiki practitioner Rebecca, we used a tree as an analogy of my loss. She said that losing Coleen was like a branch falling off of a tree. She was that branch that fell and will never be replaced. But a new branch will grow on my tree. It won’t be in the same place and it won’t offer the same shade, but it will be a brand new branch all its own, in its own place, and with its own shade covering me. Comforting me, making me happy and keeping me safe. I think I can see that branch from here.
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