Exposure

The Breast Cancer Network of Western New York was holding their annual “Education Day” yesterday morning. Since Coleen had been a member of that organization, I had received a mailing with the details several weeks ago, after Coleen passed. I was intrigued with the prospect of attending but kept putting the flyer aside. I thought I would decide about going later. There were several reasons why I thought it was a good idea to be there. I would meet some of her acqauintances, I would meet people that I had not met, I would learn more about the disease that took her and ways of preventing it. They also had a speaker from a clean air organization that I was interested in hearing. And lastly, the MC was a woman named Melissa who was a local news anchor that I admire and I thought I might be able to meet her.

There was but one reason for me not to attend: I didn’t know if I belonged there. I anticipated that the audience would be mostly females who were breast cancer survivors and I was the surviving spouse of one of their sisters who lost her battle. Because of that, I was uncertain of my place there. But I made plans to be free that morning just in case I decided to go.

When I awoke, I was still undecided but started to prepare as if I was going to attend. I thought, “Well, let’s just keep getting ready until I talk myself out of going and see how far I get.” Which is what I did until I found myself showered, shaved, fed and dressed and eventually, sitting in the parking lot where the event was held. I realized then that I was probably going in and was further encouraged when I noticed Melissa walking through the parking lot on her way in. I suddenly felt very comfortable being there, that I had a purpose to be there, and that I would somehow be guided to that purpose. I went in and acted like I belonged.

And as it turned out, I did belong. I met and sat with a friendly couple named Sandy and Roy and we exchanged stories. I chatted with a woman named Chris who is a licensed social worker and the facillator of the support group Coleen was in. Chris told me about a program she is working on about metastatic breast cancer and we talked about how I could help her with that. As a husband who just lost his wife to that disease, I have the experience and knowledge that could help with such a program. Chris promised to contact me in the near future and I am very excited to be involved with that.

I also spoke with Sharon and Linda who are the co-directors of the Breast Cancer Network. They did not know Coleen all that well but recalled meeeting the two of us at a fundraiser held earlier this summer. They asked me if I would be interested in organizing a men’s group to help the spouses of survivors. I answered that I would be honored. I also engaged several other people, including that cute MC, Melissa, all with a level of confidence and awareness I had not felt before. I’m not sure that people were attracted to me so much, but nobody was scared off. And nobody seemed troubled by my circumstances, either. Most complemented me for attending.

In my journey, it has often been presented to me that I may have the ability to help others. That my experiences, my knowledge, my new awareness are all things that people would seek out. That I would become interesting to people. I still don’t know the workings of all that, but after yesterday, I am much more comfortable and accepting of that guidance.

One last thing and it’s about Melissa. I already knew she was married and about 30 years younger than me. She is also pregnant. But that’s OK, she’s still cute and I got to introduce myself to her and I’m not sure I would have done that in the past. Probably not because in the past, I would not have made it anywhere near that parking lot I found myself in.

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