Halloween
Everything that I have read and heard about grief, says that the holidays are the hardest times. I know that Halloween is not an official holiday. But except for my birthday, it’s the first signature day that I will spend without Coleen.At our house and with Coleen, Halloween was more that just giving candy to some kids we didn’t know. It was an occassion and another opportunity for Coleen to wear her party planning hat. It might have been as simple as designing costumes for our kids when they were little, or not so little, or planning a costume party at our house, but she was always active this time of year. She bought the candy and decorations and carved the pumpkins. I usually had to start by opening the top and scraping out the inside, but she would be the artist, designing different faces and carving cats and things in them. On the porch with the candles inside, we had the best looking pumpkins on the street.
When the trick-or-treating started, Coleen preferred to kind of stay in the background. She knew I liked to hand out the candy and tease some of the kids, so she gave me that role. We had found some corny Halloween riddles and she thought it was funny when I asked the kids a question like “Why do witches ride on brooms?” (Because vaccuum cleaners are too heavy!) Coleen loved to see how the kids would react to my silliness. I think she laughed more than any of them did.
One year we had a combination graduation party/Halloween party when Lindsay graduated from college. Coleen rented a hall, took care of the food, guest list, basically everything except the music which was she always subcontracted to me. Her costume was “Cat’s Pajamas” and she was very cute with cat whiskers, ears and weraing a pair of flannel pajamas with slippers. I was a bearded lady.
We also had a houseful of strangely dressed adults one year for costumes, snacks, music and libations. In her planning, Coleen didn’t think that was enough so she hired a magician, too. That turned out to be a great idea. And speaking of her parties, although not a Halloweeem theme, we also hosted a Murder Mystery party with about eight other couples. She came up with idea and prepared the food. I did everything else. Coleen was very good at delegating work that supported her ideas. I was frequently one of the delegate-ees, which I usually complained about at first, but ultimately enjoyed doing. That Murder Mystery party ended up being legendary, by the way and people still talk about. “We’ll have to do that again,” they say. Well, not without Coleen we won’t.
Coleen’s go to costume was a gypsy which I loved because she was so sexy. I think she used that at least three times. One year we attended a friend’s party dressed as a pilot and flight attendant. She looked perfect in the part with a stewardess cap and a scarf around her neck. She even had a little tray with airline sized snacks and a glass of wine on it that she carried around with her. And of course that big smile of hers. So much fun. I couldn’t wait to get her home that night.
Although Coleen treated every one of her days like they were truly special, there were certain ones that she really lit up. Today is Halloween and it will always be one of her days to me. I have the decorations on the porch and bought the candy. And I’ll carve the pumpkin sometime late this afternoon just like she always did. And I’ll discover a new way, a new day to miss her.
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