Her Presence
I had a massage appointment scheduled for Saturday, September 21 which was three days after Coleen left us. At first I was going to cancel, but thought better of it. I sent a text to my massage therapist, Maureen, telling her that I wanted to keep the appointment. She had heard about Coleen and thought that it would be good for me to have that massage.Maureen had given me about five massages at that point and I was on a monthly schedule with her. She was outstanding at getting deep and really working out my stress and tensions. Coleen had also seen her several times and they were of like minds. Very alternative, thoughtful and creative. It’s funny how Coleen surrounded herself with people like that, like her, especially toward the end. She took a lot of comfort there. I think it’s also interesting that I followed her lead. Which brought me to Maureen just three days after Coleen’s death.
Things were a little different that day. When Maureen started she said, “Sometimes grief settles in the tissues, Rob. Today, we’ll try to get rid of some of that. It might be a little emotional for you but that’s OK. You’re safe here.”
Safe. That was the first time I heard that word spoken like that, in that context. Directed at me. I was safe there. All through the massage, something felt just a little bit different to me. I was relaxing into it, very receptive to Maureen. She was right, it did get emotional for me a few times but I just let that happen. It was very natural.
Towards the end, I was on my back and Maureen was behind me working on my neck and shoulders, releasing the tensions there. Then she did something different, she laid the palms of her hands down over my chest and just kept them there for several moments, perfectly still. I felt very relaxed and I could actually feel the warmth from her hands. I didn’t realize it at the time but this was part of reiki, the laying of the hands for healing and energy.
When she finishes, Maureen leaves the room and gives me a few minutes to compose myself. As she did, I lied on my back with my eyes closed and felt it for the first time. It felt like Coleen was there with me right in that room. A presence, a comfort, something different like I had never felt before. I took it in and then thought I was crazy, shook my head and got dressed.
When I came out of the room I said “Maureen, you going to think I’m nuts, but I swear Coleen was there just now. She was in the room.”
Maureen smiled. “She was, Rob. I felt her when I first walked in. She was there. And when I put my hands on your chest, I looked down and saw her hands there. She was with you.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so I did a little of both. That was my first experience with Coleen’s presence. There was more to come. A trusted adviser who knew Coleen well said that she would be present to me sometimes. That she would be helping me and guiding me. Things have happened since that massage and I have felt her often. I told her a few weeks before her passing that I would always be talking to her. She gave me one of her looks and said, “Well, I’ll try to figure out how to talk back to you.”
I think she did figure that out.
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