Saying a Few Words

After Coleen’s funeral service, we had a brunch at a waterfront restaraunt downtown near St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral where the service was held. In the Episcopal faith, they do not have a eulogy per se during the service. Instead, the sermon is somewhat personalized to the deceased and their name is used throughout the service, but there is no actual eulogy. It was suggested by our church’s Dean that in lieu of that, we might want to say a few words at the brunch instead.

Three months earlier, I had eulogized my mother at a different kind of service and it was all I could do to get through it in one piece. I basically just read my speech and made as little eye contact as possible and still had to stop several times to compose myself. I knew I would not be able to do the same with Coleen. It was just too emotional for me to attempt. Our daughter Lindsay said she wanted to talk about her mom and would say something about her at the brunch and I was happy about that.

But as the day approached, I realized that I just could not let that moment, that opportunity get away without taking the microphone. I would never be able to forgive myself. After all, this was supposed to be a celebration of her life and I had been a pretty big part of that. At the same time, I knew that I would never be able to get through a whole speech without breaking up. I was pretty sure that I would even struggle with complete sentances. But I had an idea how I could pay tribute to Coleen without making a scene. I went first before Lindsay because hers was longer and sweeter and because I knew what she had to say would weaken me.

This is pretty much what I said:

I couldn’t not say a few words about my beautiful wife Coleen and I knew it would be hard to talk to you about her without getting very emotional. So, here are some words I wrote down that will always mean Coleen to me:

Curious

Witty

Cooking

Nurture

Vacations

Reading

Yoga

Intuitive

Enthusiastic

Smiling

Fretful

Funny

Grandma

Determined

Party Planner

Persuasive

Adirondacks

Social

Healing

Information

Menu

Concerned

Guidance

Family

Sunflower

Optimistic

Cabernet

Encouraging

Loving

Mellencamp

Spiritual

Inspiration

Soulmate

Sassy

Sexy

Beautiful

Forever

Everywhere

I choked a bit on the last few words starting at Soulmate that day. I’m choking on all of them now. Here’s the original list.

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