Only Good Lies Ahead

The day after Coleen’s funeral service was a difficult day. Actually every day was difficult at that time but this particular day was more so. It was the first day that the smoke had settled and all the memorializing and planning and arranging and having company was done. This was the first day that I was in the house without having somewhere else to be or someone else to host. As had become my custom during the weeks leading up to Coleen’s death, I was home that day nesting. I was doing laundry, cleaning, organizing, fussing with things that needed little if any attention. I was tasking to keep my mind off other, more important things that I didn’t want to deal with.

That morning I was in our bedroom putting some clothes away. I had a couple of Coleen’s tops folded and out of habit as much as anything, wanted to put them in the proper drawer. I wasn’t sure how she organized everything and the truth was it didn’t really matter if I put them in the wrong drawer or not. I was just trying to get them somewhere out of sight and a drawer seemed like the right place.

So I took a chance and and pulled open one of her drawers. I chose the right one because sitting there, on top of the clothes already inside was a piece of paper. More than that, it was actually a page from one of those page a day calendars that had been ripped from the rest of that year’s pages. It’s border was a field of sunflowers. It’s message was:

Only good lies ahead and I am safe

I had known Coleen to take comfort in inspirational messages like this. She was in the habit of posting these messages in places where she would notice them at random times, almost by accident. She wanted to be reminded of her strength and incredible healing powers. And she wanted to be reminded that things would somehow be okay.

I have no doubt that Coleen planted that message in that drawer with those intentions in mind. But I didn’t think of that when I pulled the drawer open and saw that staring at me. I absolutely froze in my tracks and literally gasped. It caught me so off guard. It was as if she was talking to me. It was exactly like she was talking to me. She was talking to me.

Only good lies ahead and I am safe

I picked it up and just sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to breathe. It was such an emotional moment for me, perhaps one of the strongest of all. That page, those words were originally meant for her to help her heal and be strong. And they were meant for her in her final days. But they were also there to be discovered by me to help me in my healing. That phrase has become my mantra and I say it constantly. The word “safe” has taken on an entirely new meaning for me as I hear it in different places, spoken by different people. It has become one of my favorite words in this journey. Being safe. Arriving safely. Only good lies ahead and I am safe.

I have mentioned that I thought Coleen had left some gifts behind, little treasures to be discovered that would serve as medicine for the pain. This was certainly one of those gifts. I think she meant for that to be found. And now it sits atop my dresser in a very prominent place. I see it every day.

Want to guess what Coleen’s favorite flower was?

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