Wavelength

I woke up this morning craving Van Morrison music. I had “Moondance” in my head and I thought that was kind of ironic. First of all, I attached that song to the end of my previous post about the absence of the moon. And even though I attached the file from Grooveshark, I didn’t listen to it then. I didn’t really need to since I have heard it so many times before.

The second reason I thought it was ironic to wake up with that song playing inside me was last night’s moon. I know we’re all probably getting worn out with all these moon metaphors but I have one more to report and then I’ll leave it alone. At least for a while. But I have just one more story to tell for now …

Two nights ago, I had an arrangement with a girl I met through one of those on-line dating websites. Yeah, I know we haven’t really talked about that yet. I’ve been kind of keeping that activity to myself and have shared it with only a few people. I’m not hiding it, just not promoting it either. It’s a whole different topic and I’m not sure yet how I feel about it. Coleen encouraged me to find someone else. Maybe “encouragement” isn’t really the right word. “Ordered” might be more like it. She basically told me to find someone else, that I wouldn’t be any good by myself and that I would need companionship. I don’t have much of an argument against any of that.

By nature, I am a needy person in the sense of needing someone special in my life. I had that for 33 years and miss the relationship almost as much as I miss Coleen. It’s hard for me to go to bed alone or go through weeks without hugging and kissing. I miss the intimacy of having and being someone special. I miss having a conversation on that level and casual references that are unique to a relationship. I haven’t even mentioned the physical part, but I could use a little of that too.

I worry that I might be rushing things by reaching out to the internet for contacts. Maybe I should wait longer before trying my hand with someone new. Maybe, but I don’t think so. No reason in particular other than the timing  just feels right to me. God knows I’ve had share of sorrow and tears and I don’t expect that to disappear any time soon. And although living by myself is becoming  a little easier, being alone is not my cup of tea. I don’t need to live with someone, I really don’t even want that. But I wouldn’t mind a girlfriend to hang around with sometimes. Just following orders, you know.

So, getting back to two nights ago and that arrangement I had with the on-line girl which was really a date. We were going to a comedy club downtown to see a comedian from New York City. I thought that might be a fun activity for two people becoming acquainted. We could be entertained but still have a lot of time to talk in the car and before the show. Even during the show there is room for snippets of conversation, hopefully between all the laughter. Unfortunately, the weather did not cooperate and the show was postponed until the next night. It had snowed quite a bit during the day and travel was kind of tricky so we rescheduled for the next night.

It was very cold that day with temperatures in the single digits. Weather like that usually comes accompanied with a cloudless and clear sky and lots of stars. I left my house a few minutes early and it was already dark. It had been so long since I had seen the moon, I had almost stopped looking for it. But as closed my backdoor, I looked up at the sky almost by instinct and there it was, back and bright as ever. The moon was “new”  just two days earlier and it would be almost two weeks before it was full. So last might’s moon was crescent and as I paused to take it in, I realized what I was seeing. It was a smile, a little tilted perhaps, but there was no mistaking it. The moon was a big, bright smile shining down on me as I left my house to pick up a girl for a date. And it was coming from a sky that had been so dark for so long, including the night before when the show had been cancelled. You see, I wouldn’t have gotten that smile on the original night. I had wait one more day.

That moon was with me all the way to my date’s house and stayed with us as we drove downtown. Regardless of the direction I was headed, the crescent moon smiled down on me right through my windshield. It was there the whole time like it was attached to something hanging over my car. Excuse me if I add this to my “There’s No Such Thing As Coincidences” list.  Humor me as I type my belief that Coleen once again had something to tell me and used that moon as her conduit. She knew I’d be looking at it and paying attention. She was smiling at me, encouraging me, telling me it was going to be okay. I just kept smiling back.

The comedy show was great and we laughed very hard. When we weren’t laughing, we were talking. It’s fun to talk to a girl who you might have romantic aspirations for. It’s a different kind of conversation than I have with anyone else. There’s a special energy there. A different part of me is present and it’s a part that I like very much. I think she might, too.

Wavelength by Van M on Grooveshark