Head in Her Hands
The first time I felt Coleen’s presence after she died I was getting massage therapy from Maureen. Her studio is dimly lit and she always has soft music playing along with a variety of nature sounds like water flowing and birds chirping. It is a very relaxing and tranquil place to be. I enjoy going there because Maureen is a wonderful massage therapist and I can usually get myself in a state of relaxation there that I can’t achieve in most other places.That day toward the end of the massage, I felt a difference and Maureen and I both identified it as Coleen’s presence. Today was different. Seems that things are always some kind of different for me these days. It wasn’t a bad different it was just a new different. I talked to Maureen throughout most of the massage but when I was on my back on she was working my neck, head and shoulders, I went silent and let the atmosphere kick in. There is something about having the full weight of my head in Maureen’s hands that is very comforting to me. It’s as if I am relinquishing control of myself and trusting her to know the right thing to do. And she always does. I like that feeling of surrender and trust. For much of my previous life I had to be the one in control. I was the boss or the father and I was the one people looked to for decisions and answers. Now I love that I don’t wear that hat anymore. Or that I wear it much less often.
My encounter today with Coleen was brief but very powerful. I was lying on my back and Maureen had my head in her hands and I had my eyes closed. There is a light hanging from the ceiling over her massage table and it is kept very dim. I always have my eyes closed and never even notice the light from that light. Today, lying face up with closed eyes, trusting my head to Maureen, I saw a brilliant light. At first it was in the distance then got slowly closer and much brighter. It seemed to settle somewhere between where I was and where I wanted to be and then just stayed there for a time. I knew what it was. I’m not clairvoyant nor do I have superpowers, but I know something precious when I see it. I smiled, I breathed, I choked up. I can’t help but feel different emotions at the same time when Coleen finds a way to present herself to me like that. Mostly I want to reach out and hold her and tell her everything I have been keeping inside and saving for our next conversation. But since I can’t do that yet, I try to stay focused and welcome her presence, receive it, cherish it. Those moments don’t last long so when they occur, I make sure to get every precious second from them that I can.
When my massage was done, I asked Maureen if she could explain what happens when she is holding my head in her hands. I don’t always feel Coleen when she does that, but I do seem to get somewhat emotional each time. Maureen told me that today she saw a glow around my head as she held it and she wasn’t surprised that I felt Coleen’s presence as strongly as I did. She seems to think that my head is perfect during those moments for Coleen to be able to access it. Like it’s portal for her to communicate. I think it’s interesting that Maureen seems to have the ability to coax Coleen to come around when I’m there. Like she’s the conduit that links us. Truth is, I don’t really know what to think. I just know how it makes me feel.
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